A pastoral response to the identity confusion of young children confronted with a family secret after the death of a parent

Abstract

Secrecy, by its very definition, remains a difficult topic to study. The presence of secrecy in all social organizations is universal and families happen to be one of the earliest forms of social organization that individuals encounter. Family relationships are shaped, in part, by what is shared and what is held secret by family members. Family secrets may accordingly serve as a stimulus for family functioning and the experience of an individual within the family. Secret is kept as a result of intimidation or shame. Secrecy compounds the trauma by ensuring isolation. Often, the victim comes to doubt his or her own experience of reality, which is at odds with the family's version of the truth. The present study focuses on the disclosure of familial secrets and the impact thereof on adult children who are part of and the secret itself, and the dissertation will be teasing out pastoral care of such adult children. This research interrogates the haunting effects of family secrets on those who happen to be subject of the secret in question. The idea that an individual’s behaviour might be traced to a secret kept by a family member in another generation is impressed upon in this study. From a methodological perspective it implies a shift in the analytic process, which does not aim to link co-researchers’ indicators with his or her unconscious but to trace these indicators to a muted episode in the family’s history. Co-researchers found themselves haunted by someone else’s secret, by the silence erected around a deed that took place decades ago. Thus they are held, individually and respectively, within a group dynamic constituted by a specific familial topology that prevents the individual from living life as her or his own. The unspeakable secret suspended within the adult is transmitted upon disclosure, to the child (now young adult) in “undigested” form and lodges within his or her mental landscape as an unmarked tomb of in accessible knowledge. Concealing the true paternal and/or maternal identity from a child is a monumental setback in the history of childhood. There are a couple of issues that emerge in light of disclosure of such a secret and, therefore, a paroxysm of emotions that are experienced. Thus pastoral care seeks toThe study also looks at how the concealment of a family secret generates an obstacle to an individual who happens to be the secret and how this obstacle prevents him/her from becoming a holistic individual. The contention, especially among Africans, is that an unspoken family secret causes the affected individual’s puzzling behaviour. Co-researchers relate their own stories that may have been made enigmatic by secrets that have been muted over decades. Following disclosure of such secrets, co-researchers are also dominated by an emotion which is inexpressible, because it is in excess of the facts as they appear. Hence the haunting influence that exists on the co-researchers of element(s) missing. In their engagements following the pastoral and therapeutic alliance established, co-researchers and the researcher endeavour to reconstruct a hidden story. And, by reinterpreting the co-researcher’s story and together with the research, they journey pastorally and therapeutically to find a way to get beyond the enigma-laden silence that had dominated until disclosure. The main focus of this research would be to pastorally empower the young adults to deal with the issues that come to the fore in light disclosing a secret that had been muted for decades. The key question that the thesis deals with is: What would it take to remove the obstacle to a co-researcher’s being and to reinstate the possibility of his/her existence? bring about healing for the affected