A retrospective analysis of childhood experiences in conflicted relationships

Abstract

This qualitative research study aimed to understand the dynamics of the conflicted mother–daughter relationship. The literature shows that although mothers and daughters have a unique and intimate bond, their relationship is complex, as the relationship must adapt and change over the course of its lifespan. This study focused on the role that disagreements and adverse childhood experiences have on the dynamics of the mother–daughter relationship from childhood throughout adulthood. There is a lack of research on mother–daughter relationships in the South African context, where diverse family units, family statuses, socioeconomic statuses, and cultural practices exist.

Fourteen mother–daughter participants participated in this study. The study relied on a qualitative, symbolic interactionist paradigm to allow the researcher to gain an in-depth understanding of the role that conflict and disagreements play in the dynamics of the mother–daughter relationship. Dollahite’s ABCD-XYZ resource management model of crisis or stress was chosen as the theoretical framework for this study. Data generation methods included semi-structured interviews, observations, life maps, and the Mmogo method (construction of a clay model). These methods allowed the researcher to keep a transparent and reliable audit trail. This study made use of retrospective analysis, which allowed the researcher to identify sequences of events that had an impact on the lives of the mothers and daughters. Retrospective studies are especially useful when a researcher wants to observe and understand change over time. Presenting these major life events chronologically allowed the researcher to identify events that had a significant impact on the mother–daughter relationship.

The research results highlighted the intergenerational cycle of unresolved trauma and adversities. This study considered the unique adversities that South African families are faced with. Exposure to early adversity in the mother’s life had a significant impact on her and her daughter’s wellbeing, parenting, and interpersonal relationships. The quality of the attachment between mother and daughter was complicated by adverse living circumstances where mothers and daughters were separated for an extended period. Conflict between mothers and their daughters was at its highest during specific developmental periods in the daughters’ lives, such as adolescence. The positive influence of the community and extended family members and friends were evident during times of need, especially in close relationships, such as the mother–daughter relationship. The challenge to process their experiences of childhood trauma prevented the mother–daughter relationship to follow its normal cycle of development, resulting in rigid interaction between mothers and daughters. The participants in this study were unwilling to compromise by changing their own behaviour for the benefit of the relationship. This study was able to confirm that the bond between mothers and daughters remains strong throughout their lives, despite the presence of significant adversities.